The Bowdoin Orient

November 10, 2000
Volume CXXXII, Number 9

Why does dating have to suck at Bowdoin College?

by Acadia Senese, COLUMNIST

   Dating. I had to look it up in the dictionary. That's what happens when one does not practice her vocabulary words in daily conversation. In fact, I think the last time I used the word dating in spoken context was in high school. Good thing the dictionary could refresh my memory on that one because I thought hook-up was a synonym.
   So, why exactly does dating suck at Bowdoin? If you have any social impulse, the answer is blatant, so obvious, in fact, that I'm tempted to not even mention it. It sucks simply because there isn't any. Yup, dating is as active here as the phased-out frats.
   But this article isn't about frats or vocabulary; it's not even a bitter response to my own personal experiences. In fact, it has nothing to do with me, or my opinion. It exists solely as a collective manifestation of the frustration that is harbored in many Bowdoin students--frustration that becomes so evident when the following question is posed: "So, why does dating suck at Bowdoin?"
   After asking numerous people, both male and female, this very question over the course of this semester, I began to gather distinct responses that tended to be variations on the same theme. Inevitably, each response always began by identifying just what kind of dating there is on this campus. And so, as a reflection of students opinions, this article so begins.
   There are two kinds of relationships on this campus. People either hook up or are they are in such a serious relationship you may as well dub them married. So that leaves the in-between dating, very much uncharted territory--casual dating being that last frontier here at Bowdoin. This undoubtedly leaves people who care not to partake in either of the extremes out in the cold, which is unfortunate in a state such as Maine.
   So, following that logic, I posed this next question: "Why doesn't anyone at Bowdoin date casually." It was in response to this question that an entire slew of answers were given. Answers that, if one didn't know any better, would immediately qualify as excuses. The most common response was the fact that Bowdoin is just too small. "What if it doesn't work out," people replied. "You will have to see that person all the time." But what about hook-ups, it's okay if you see those people, isn't it? Something there just doesn't quite add up. In larger schools, people date all the time. After talking with someone who attends Texas A&M, they said that their standpoint on dating was that if you didn't ask someone out right there and then, you would never see them again. Well, we're at Bowdoin. If your nerve fails the first time, be assured that you will have another chance.
   Another common response was that the social scene here at Bowdoin is just not conducive to dating. People tend to hang out in large groups, rather than spending time with any one single individual. The fact that people hang out as friends also restricts dating, especially in relation to dating someone in your own social circle. No one ever wants to mess up a relationship with a friend. True, but I would contend that being friends is a great place to start.
   Out of this same social situation, another response was given. "No one else really dates. I just don't want to seem out of place. It would be awkward." Therein lies a major problem at Bowdoin: conforming to what everyone else does around you. So people don't date here because they would be "that couple" or "those two seeing each other." For instance, people don't usually bring dates to events that suggest them simply because no one else does. I never saw anyone pass up that double chocolate chip cookie at dinner because their friends weren't eating them. We need to remove ourselves from this social pressure cooker in which we live.
   Ultimately, the response given was that "I just don't have time." True, everyone here has lots of stuff to do, sports to play, papers to write, clubs to support. But, your time isn't occupied twenty four hours a day. What is it to spend a few hours with someone some weekend? In the whole scheme of things, not too much. But, other responses had nothing to do with having time for someone else. Instead, the problem people had with dating was that they just didn't want to have to focus on someone other than themselves. That seems unfortunate to me, and by no means unselfish.
   Ultimately, though, one could ask a million questions as to why dating sucks here at Bowdoin. But what if we wanted to change that? When this question was posed, people replied that they just wouldn't know what to do on a date, where to go. For a school filled with creative, intelligent people, I'm sure we could think of multiple things to do. If nothing else, there is always the usual dinner and movie dates. If you're not dating because you can't think of anything to do, start brainstorming.
   And so, the ultimate response to my initial question resulted in the conclusion that yes, dating sucks at Bowdoin. And the above are all the reasons that it does. Yet, people ultimately confessed that they would like to see a lot more of it, and that they themselves would have no reservations if offered the opportunity to date.
   Bowdoin students need to move past all the reservations that they hold, take some risks, and explore some opportunities that may be out there. If fear of the unknown, getting "shot-down," or not wanting to be out of the ordinary are holding you back, perhaps you should recheck just what is governing your decisions. It's about time this campus got a bit more risky, a tad more social, and a lot more fun. Hell, go ask that person you've been thinking of out on a date. I bet they say yes.