The Bowdoin Orient

April 6, 2001
Volume CXXXII, Number 20

You call that lighting?

by BEN GOTT - COLUMNIST

   I returned from Spring Break (spent right here in beautiful, downtown Brunswick) to see a brand new addition to Thorne Dining. No, I'm not talking about the new music selection (although I did hear some Cranberries and Nickel Creek tonight at dinner), nor am I talking about new mints in the shape of Presidental-Appointee Barry Mills's head. No, the change that caught my eye was the new light fixtures hanging in the main room.
   You may have seen these keen, modern looking objects-dé-art and wondered, "What the hell are those?" Well, I'm here to reassure you that no one else has any idea, either, so don't feel too bad. Sure, the "rock concert" ambience created by the ever-changing colors is a stark contrast to the light fixtures themselves, which look as if they were purchased at the Museum of Modern Art (just check out www.momastore.org if you don't believe me), but you have to admit that this new lighting system makes it a whole heck of a lot easier for us to see our food.
   Of course, if you're sitting in the booths by the window, which could be better lit with fifty scented candles from The Works, it is still very difficult (read: "impossible") to see your food. I realize that this "low lighting" is designed to create a more romantic ambience, but even Brad Pitt looks goofy with food spilled down the front of his shirt. It's also difficult to have a romantic conversation with the guy or girl sitting across from you if you can't see his or her face. (Now I realize that some people find anonymous sexual encounters in Thorne Dining Centre exciting; if you're one of those people, I suggest that you join Professor Potholm's "Conflict Simulation/Conflict Resolution" class to discuss your non-normative sexual practices while simultaneously researching the number of pornographic movies on the College's intranet.)
   I have also heard a rumor that the College spent upwards of $50,000 to pay for this lighting system; this begs the question, "Who authorized that purchase?" I would have been glad to function as the College's "Lighting Consultant" for $50,000 because, after a trip to Home Depot for some Philips outdoor spotlights and a few colored gels, I could pocket approximately $49,924.71. This $50,000 could also probably have been spent doing renovations in the Tower (my wall is chipping as we speak) or providing a few scholarship dollars to needy students. Just a thought.
   In any case, I think that we should all start to enjoy - not to question - this new menagerie of glass, plastic, and metal. I usually go eat dinner at around 5:15pm but now, because of the time change, I'm going to wait until it gets dark. I'll sit down at one of the long tables, scrape my chair across the marred hardwood floor, and look up, admiring the changing colors as my food sits, uneaten, on my tray.