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Volume CXXXIII, Number 3 |
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The anti-preview of the 2001-2002 NFL season
J.P. BOX
Assistant Sports Editor
Every major and minor newspaper and sports magazine in the nation does
it. The most arrogant and cocky sportswriter pretends to be Nostradamus
and predicts the future of a sports season. The Orient is no different.
The only problem, however, is that the predictors (myself included) never
accurately forecast the outcomes. When was the last time that Sports Illustrated,
ESPN Magazine,or the New York Times ever got it right?
Worse than their inaccuracy, though, is their ability to jinx players
and teams supposedly destined for greatness. Players and fans alike cringe
when Sports Illustrated features their team on the cover of the magazine.
The infamous SI jinx is feared by the favorites as well as the underdogs.
For these reasons, I will provide the Orient readers with the
anti-prediction of the 2001-2002 National Football League season.
The best teams in the NFL, at least on paper, are the Broncos, Saints,
Rams, Titans, and Ravens. Unfortunately for these organizations trying
to win the big one, they will all have miserable seasons and will fail
to make the playoffs.
So, who will be the winners this year? Patience, dear readers.
With my trusty crystal ball in hand, let's first take a peak into the
AFC. In the AFC East, the Patriots led by under-appreciated Drew Bledsoe
accompanied by a poor running back, a porous offensive line, and an overburdened
defense will cruise to a 12-4 record to win the division.
Finally, New England fans will stop lamenting the loss of Doug Flutie
years ago and embrace Bledsoe as their newest sports hero and icon of
the Boston spirit.
In the AFC Central, the Cincinnati Bengals will claim the best record
in the league at 14-2. How will they do this? Simple. Correy Dillon will
gain 4,448 yards this season running against the Denver Broncos defense
due to a schedule mishap.
His 4000 yard season is a projection based on his NFL record 278 yards
gained against Denver in a regular season game last year.
And finally, the San Diego Chargers will win the AFC West behind none
other than Doug Flutie. The Oakland Raiders and the Denver Broncos will
be of little resistance against the high-voltage Chargers.
The AFC wild-cards? Easy - Cleveland Browns, Buffalo Bills, and the Kansas
City Chiefs.
Although the Bengals appear to be the clear choice to win the AFC Championship,
they don't get to play the Broncos in the playoffs. Running back Correy
Dillon is ineffective against other teams in the postseason. Instead,
Doug Flutie and the Chargers, powered by "Flutie Flakes," will
win the AFC Championship.
And now, who will the mighty San Diego Chargers face in the Super Bowl?
In the NFC East, the Dallas Cowboys in the first year of the post-Aikman
era will take another division title with an 11-5 record. Over-the-hill
running back Emmit Smith and the raw rookie, Quincy Carter, will easily
oust last year's NFC Champion New York Giants.
The Chicago Bears, led by a high-octane offense and an unflappable defense,
will beat out the boring Buccaneers in the NFC Central. In a surprise
move, Mike Ditka returns as head coach of "Da Bears" to help
them reach the playoffs.
In the West, the Rams and Kurt Warner will slip to last place in the
division, thus making way for the over-looked Carolina Panthers led by
super-rookie Chris Weinke.
Amazing, isn't it? Two NFC teams led by rookie quarterbacks will win
divisions in one of the most wacky seasons in NFL History.
The NFC wild-cards are also full of surprises as the Cardinals led by
a redeemed Jake-the-snake Plummer, Falcons, and 49ers all fight their
way into the post season.
The Dallas Cowboys will emerge as the supreme champions in the NFC. however.
In the NFC Championship game, Carter and Weinke will duel into overtime.
America's team, the Dallas Cowboys, will prevail however, in an epic battle
between two of the league's best teams.
The stage is now set for the Super Bowl XXXVI: the San Diego Chargers versus the Dallas Cowboys! Who's going to win? Well, I shouldn't say - I don't want to jinx these great teams, or inaccurately predict the outcome of the season.