Volume CXXXIII, Number 6 October 19, 2001 f

Mature older boys? Naive younger girls?
KARA OPPENHEIM

It's the most conventional of relationships; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, Anna Nicole Smith and whoever-he-was, Monica and Richard on Friends. I mean, don't we usually assume when there's an age difference in a relationship that the man will inevitably be older? That's what lies behind the term "fresh meat" for guys as they look through the Freshman Facebook and why every girl at some point in her life wishes for a cool older brother. It happens all the time at Bowdoin. But why is this? What's the allure in an older man? WHY DO OLDER MEN DATE YOUNGER WOMEN?

One reason may be conditioning. Little girls and boys grow up watching Disney cartoons about big, strong men rescuing the damsel in distress-Prince Charming brought Cinderella her shoe, Eric finally kissed Ariel and Aladdin showed Jasmine "a whole new world." "I think we are taught that men are in the power position in relationships," said Jackie. "An older man has more 'power' than a younger girl so they are attracted to that dynamic. It makes perfect sense."

Not to belittle barely-pubescent high school boys, but it is very hard for a ninth-grade girl to believe that the guy sitting next to her with his voice cracking while he throws pencils at her is really going to protect her from anything at all. Much more likely to do so is the junior football captain who already has three years of high school experience under his belt, not to mention quite a few inches and pounds on the freshman.

Oftentimes, there is just too much 'history' with our peers. When one have been through so much with friends, it is hard to conceive of dating the girl who saw you cry or the guy who held your hair back when you were sick. Older men and younger women have the appeal that comes with being new and different, as much as the power dynamic.

Just mention "college guy" to see the expressions on high school girls' faces. Why do you think they spend the night at so many colleges their senior year? Carrie agrees: "My social peak in high school might have been when I dated a sophomore in college. I could inspire envy like no other when I wore his Harvard Lacrosse sweatshirt in front of my friends."

In my own experience, I remember the ideal relationship in high school was considered the 'sophomore-senior' relationship. This involved an annual sophomore year school trip chaperoned by seniors. Nearly every sophomore girl's dream was to snag their male senior leader by the time they got back home. While that may sound sort of sick, let us not forget that the senior male trip leaders' goals were quite compatible.

It is often assumed that such relationships are not 'genuine'-this is most certainly false. While there are those that are founded on lust and social standings, older guy-younger girl relationships can be just as serious as any other. They do, however, run into trouble easily, due to the fact that the individuals may be at very different times in their lives.

Chris, Nick and Tyler came to Bowdoin as freshmen with girlfriends who were still in high school. Of the three, only Chris maintains any sort of relationship with his girlfriend-and it's a very open one at that. Nick and his girlfriend tried all freshman year to make it work but realized that there was just too much of a divide. Tyler and his girlfriend tried as well, but he is now with a girl his own age. (I wonder if it's possible that Tyler's girlfriend, who is now in college as well, was more willing to break off their relationship when she realized that soon she would have three whole classes of even older men to choose from.)

The divide increases when an older boyfriend graduates college to enter the real, working world, leaving a college-aged girlfriend behind. Ramona speaks from experience when she says, "It's really hard because he has a job and bills to pay and I am tucked away safely in the Bowdoin bubble. At this age, you hope that you are mature enough to handle it. But it definitely takes a lot of effort." What common ground is there to discuss when one person is, say, risking clients' millions of dollars in investments and the other is trying to figure out if she can go out on Thursday night or not because she has a paper due Friday at 5?

So why do younger women date older men? Well, because there is the hope that older men will be safer and more stable, whether physically, socially or economically, depending on their age. Moreover, men are excited by the thought of naïve young girls who are far more likely to be impressed with them than their girl friends who have known them for years. And what's wrong with this if both parties want the same kind of relationship and are aware of what they are doing? Absolutely nothing.