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Volume CXXXIII, Number 13 |
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The awkwardness of the dining hall
KARA OPPENHEIM
di·ning hall (dín-ing hall'), n., room or building where people dine together; place of extremely awkward encounters.
The dining halls at Bowdoin College are a highlight of campus tours.
We boast of our top-ranked food services, our spacious seating facilities,
and fancy birds-in-flight light shows. What is conspicuously omitted,
however, is the multitude of squirmingly uncomfortable encounters that
Moulton Union and Thorne Hall offer our students. It is possible to walk
a serpentine path across the quad and schedule classes and activities
to avoid those people who must be avoided (at least during sober, daylight,
weekday hours). Unfortunately, at a small, isolated college such as Bowdoin,
dining halls can render all such planning useless when one is forced to
stand behind the person he or she was trying so desperately not to see
while waiting for a slice of dirt cake. Potential embarrassment, tongue-tied-ness,
and even possible eye contact abound. But wait-what if one is fortunate
enough to share a mealtime with a significant other (or someone with significant
other potential) but is unable to exchange pleasantries because of pre-decided
seating arrangements? What to do? How to cope? A quandary for all Polar
Bears. So this week, I probe THE AWKWARDNESS OF THE DINING HALLS.
Matt was recently eating dinner at Thorne Hall, enjoying his Spanish
rice and the company of his friends. He gazed at his surroundings as he
listened to their conversation. As his eyes surveyed the room he was mortified
to find himself looking directly at a girl that he had, only days before,
gone home with from a party. She was sitting with her own friends just
a few tables away and was staring at him intensely. He averted his eyes.
But when he went into the servery to get some more Navy Bean Soup Au Pistou
with Ham, he ran into her again! Foiled!
"I had thought it was just a one-night thing-I mean, it's not like
she lives in my dorm or is in any of my classes or anything! I'm not supposed
to see her again, at least not anywhere other than out at night!"
he explained.
As my dear discomfited friend discovered, there is no way to avoid people
in the dining halls. Bowdoin is structured so that even the person you
most want to avoid will, inevitably, be in the same dining hall at the
same time as you one day in the very near future. Unlike the real world,
where there are always other restaurants and a variety of mealtimes, the
Bowdoin bubble forces you to look your mistakes in the eye. (That is,
of course, unless you actually want to see him or her again, in which
case you two will never ever be in the same place at the same time).
Perhaps you are like my friend Joanna, who is lucky enough to have lunch
and dinner three times a week at the same time as Pete "Tuck-dog"or
"Tuck" or "T-man" Tucker, the guy that she is "I
guess together with." Joanna and Tuck-dog have moved past the random
or even more regular hook-up stage and email and talk frequently while
sober. They study together, laugh together, sleep together and have begun
to really open up to each other. Then why does Joanna dread each meal
that they share?
"Whenever I walk into the dark room at Moulton I see him sitting
there at a whole table full of ____-players and I know that he is not
allowed to sit with me or talk to me or even really wave at me. I mean,
my boyfriend cannot acknowledge me at meals because of the quote-unquote
rules of the dining hall!"
Rules? Yes, there are strict sets of rules that govern Bowdoin meals,
and though they may be unwritten, they are as good as set in stone. All-male
sports teams must sit together at all meals where more than four of them
are present. With the exception of the captains of the team, they may
not sit with or sustain conversation with females. Rookies are subject
to even more stringent policies-they may be punished for merely making
eye contact at the opposite sex. As for girls, they must sit in groups
opposite the tables of said all-male sports teams and try very hard to
catch the eyes of friends and boyfriends without being too conspicuous.
They may not, under any circumstances, smile and wave or (heaven forbid)
approach a member of the team while he is sitting down, surrounded by
his teammates.
Horrible consequences result from the violation of these rules. Relationships
have been know to suffer greatly from the male being mercilessly harangued
by his teammates about "his girl" and transferring the onus
onto her. The female is extraordinarily uncomfortable with the lack of
acknowledgment by her self-professed boyfriend and may feel the need to
instigate many serious discussions about what it means to be together
and how she is feeling ignored.
As it turns out, eating at Bowdoin may be almost as stressful as the
classes. Possible techniques to cope include the following: concentrating
very hard on the tomatoes at the salad bar, not looking at anything but
your tray, and of course, strategic seating placement. Getting bagged
lunches and dinners can minimize potential awkwardness, but there is truly
no fool-proof method; at a school as small as ours, dining halls are breeding
grounds for awkward encounters.
So to Matt and others who find themselves face-to-face with those they
have been avoiding, I say smile graciously and quickly look back at your
friends. There is no use in pretending you do not know the person who
you just days ago "knew" in the biblical sense, although there
is also no reason to subject yourself to uncomfortable and unnecessary
pleasantries. As for Joanna, it is futile to try to single-handedly change
the accepted social code. She must realize that her boyfriend is not ignoring
her so much as he is asserting his allegiance to his other friends and
teammates, with whom apparently he does not spend enough time already
with at practices, away games, etc., and learn to deal with it without
embarassing him or herself-this can only lead to strife.
Dining halls need not be a source of anxiety. Rather, you should embrace
the opportunity take control of the situation and dispel all awkwardness
with basic manners and consideration. Here is a learning opportunity beyond
the classroom-study social skills, experiment with decency!
Or you could just go eat in town.