Volume CXXXIII, Number 16 February 15, 2002 f

Valentine's Day: origins and practices
KARA OPPENHEIM

It's that time of the year again. Hallmark factories and chocolate shops are working overtime. Flower shops are selling out. Dinner reservations are filling up. Some people-mainly girls in relationships-love it; some people-mainly males in relationships and single girls-hate it; and some-mainly single males-couldn't care less. Regardless, shameless marketing will ensure that you can't ignore it (and I can't help writing about it): VALENTINE'S DAY.

Valentine's Day may actually trace its roots beyond the Sweethearts candy company. Though legends vary, there seems to have been, a long, long time ago, a man called Valentine who was persecuted and killed (probably in Rome) for being a Christian. Valentine may or may not have been a very loving man, perhaps saving some people through love. This is said to have happened at the beginning of February-the supposed time of mating for spring births of the animal kingdom-and by chance coincided roughly with some pagan Roman love festival.

So the Christians beatified Valentine, combined the holidays and gave it the Christian name to encourage conversion, not anticipating the stress this day would cause men and women for the rest of eternity.

Valentine's Day at Bowdoin is certainly an event. With all of the opportunities in the Union to send your love and benefit a cause, it is nearly impossible to avoid telling someone you care about them. But what about that special someone? Here's where it gets tricky: with all of the varying degrees of love at college, how do you express your feelings?

There are some things that are routine and accepted. Couples in serious relationships will exchange flowers along with sentimental, handmade or handpicked gifts and go to dinner on the water in Portland. Freshmen girls will send valentines that come in boxes of 24 with funny sayings on them to all of their friends. One of your friends will probably send you a joke Valentine on e-crush.com and you will really believe for a whole second that it is from that person you wish it were from.

For the rest of the Bowdoin community, however, there is much self-searching and questioning. For people who are in a constant-hookup relationship, Valentine's Day may very well be a defining moment. If a guy really likes the girl he is hooking up with, he can send her a card or something similar (flowers and stuffed animals are probably too much so early on) to perhaps help the relationship along.

At the same time, many guys have no guts and think that Valentine's Day is stupid and cheesy-which it is, but let's be honest, so is love-so they won't give a girl a gift, even if they do like her.

To men who are in such a position, I say: just do it! The most you can lose is a dollar or so on a card (or you could even just email her), and even if the girl doesn't end up wanting a relationship, you will be known as a really great guy and all of her friends will probably develop crushes on you. To the weakest of heart: the least you can do to let a girl know you may like her is to say "Happy Valentine's Day" to her.

There are also always the girls who stress, wondering if the person who drove them home last Sunday morning really cares. Here are some general guidelines for these girls: if it has just been a couple of drunken hookups, don't hold your breath. You and this guy obviously do not have any sort of relationship, and unless he already really really liked you for a really really long time, he is not obligated to acknowledge this day in your honor at all. If you have shared more than a night or two and he does not send you his Valentines lovin', chances are he does not want anything more than that. Deal with it.

Now perhaps I come off as too conservative. I'm sure there are those out there who will scream about feminism and wonder why the burden shouldn't be on the women. If women are so inclined to take action, all the more power to them. But Valentine's Day is a day of tradition, and traditionally, men express their feelings to women and women tell their friends how much they love them and it's not something that will be changed overnight.

So men, don't be shy. Women, don't be too expectant. Valentine's Day is an arbitrary date on the calendar. If your current relationship (or even lack thereof) does not happen to fit to this day at this time, don't worry too much. Valentine's Day is really about love, and love does not necessarily have to include a boyfriend or girlfriend. Love everyone, eat a lot of chocolate, and I hope you all had a happy Valentine's Day!