Volume CXXXIII, Number 17 February 22, 2002 f

Intellectual discussion in Bowdoin's... baths?
CRAIG GIAMMONA

There has been a great deal of intelligent and meaningful discussion recently about the lack of intelligent and meaningful discussion at Bowdoin. I agree with the claim that Bowdoin students, crippled by an invisible and omnipresent bubble, don't engage in enough meaningful discourse about serious topics.

Just the other day I sat down with a group of students from Appleton and attempted to start a conversation about the ins and outs of the figure skating scandal. I was met with blank stares. I moved on to a table of eight students eating in complete silence. I greeted them with a casual, "How about that new Office of Strategic Influence?" Nothing.

Having established that there is a serious deficiency in meaningful discourse among students at Bowdoin, I set out to solve the problem, and I think I have. The answer can be summed up with two words: "bath" and "house." I am proposing that the old pool building next to Smith Union be turned into a Greek-style bathhouse equipped with saunas, hot tubs, and possibly tanning booths.

This makes sense on a lot of levels. First, who really wants to talk to anyone (or do anything, if you want to get technical), during the winter in Maine? Cold dark days have a serious effect on what I like to call "The Will to Live."

This theory is somewhat similar to Nietzsche's famous "Will to Power," but rather then focusing on an individual's ability to conquer the artificial construct that is Christian morality and seeking truth, "The Will to Live" is concerned with an individual's desire to wake up each morning and engage in basic functional activities, like showering, getting dressed, going to class, eating, etc. The "Will to Live" describes an individual's ability and desire to "go on living."

My will to live, and I imagine I am not alone in this regard, is seriously affected by the winter months' intense darkness and savage cold. It seems foolish and inefficient to allow the Curtis Pool building to sit unoccupied while students across our campus are crippled by the deterioration of their respective wills to live.

I spent a semester in Scandinavia, a place where winter's savagery and darkness surpass those of Maine. It is in Scandinavia that saunas have enjoyed widespread popularity, and I am willing to assert that this is no accident. Scandinavians have a knack for figuring things out-they enjoy health care, enlightened social policy, and gorgeous women.

It is time to take a cue from the Nordic people and push ahead with the construction of a Greek-style bathhouse. Hot tubs, saunas, and tanning booths, all Scandinavian staples, would clearly serve to increase the quality of life for Bowdoin students during the winter months, which run from mid-November to mid-April. The season's domination of both semesters further solidifies the need for a significant increase in the number of hot tubs and saunas on campus.

Bowdoin can be a pretty depressing place and there is no doubt in my mind that this leads directly to a lack of meaningful discussion and a host of other problems on campus, including the general social awkwardness of our student population. The bathhouse would mitigate these concerns as well. What better place to talk to a fellow student about the Enron crisis or Bush's enlightened energy policy then the confines of a steamy sauna or bubbly hot tub? What better place to relax casually with members of the opposite sex then a bathhouse?

The list of things I would rather do in a Greek-style bathhouse could go on for several pages, but you get the point. Imagine the next time a prospective student asks a tour guide about the savagery of the Maine winter. No more hesitation, gentle sobbing, and tales of anti-depressants-now we can take tours of excited students and nervous parents right through our Greek-style bathhouse and explain to them the benefits of going to a school with such a resource.

Obviously, the issue of funding will come up as the College moves ahead with plans to build the bathhouse, but I seriously doubt that Bowdoin's fundraisers will struggle to find a rich alum willing to put his or her name and bankroll behind the project. If we can find people willing to spend their money on new "theaters" and "Astroturf fields," then surely there must be someone willing to support the construction of a building full of hot tubs and saunas. Who can argue with hot tubs? Is anyone prepared to make an argument against saunas?