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Volume CXXXI, Number 23 |
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The do's and don'ts of sexiling
KARA OPPENHEIM
sex·ile: n. a ban on entering one's own dorm room because one's roommate is engaging in sexual activity.
William Shakespeare may have invented much of the English language, but
we must not forget to give some credit to college campuses, where words
such as the one above originated.
Sexile is a common occurrence. I have confidence that every Bowdoin student,
at some point in his or her college career, will be sexiled. It can happen
when boyfriends or girlfriends visit or when a roommate hooks up.
Everyone has a story to tell about being sexiled or sexiling his or her
roommate. Ramona once wrote in permanent marker on her door: "Don't
come in. Love, Ramona."
Charlotte recalls being sexiled for three whole days and nights when
her freshman-year roommate's boyfriend came to visit.
Stewart used to move his bookcase in front of the door so it couldn't
be opened from the inside. If Chris brought a girl home before his roommate
came back, he would tie a bandanna around the doorknob (subtlety is not
always the first priority in these matters).
Of course, there is always the option of not sexiling. Monica awoke in
the middle of the night a few weekends ago to the sounds of her bunk bed
creaking.
Eve remembers waking up the other morning, looking across the room in
a sleepy wonderment, and whispering to her roommate, "Who is that?"
"Oh, this is John," her roommate replied.
Luckily, Eve is a good-natured girl. She smiled and went back to sleep.
Some of us are not so inclined. Last weekend, Sarah was very tired and
walked into her room only to encounter her roommate, Meg, and Meg's boyfriend
in a very, shall we say, intimate arrangement. She immediately began yelling
at Meg about how the two of them share a room and she couldn't believe
Meg's lack of consideration.
Needless to say, the night was ruined for Sarah, Meg, and Meg's boyfriend.
Such unpleasantness is wholly unnecessary.
After much research and personal experience, I have learned much about what is and is not acceptable in the act of sexiling. I present you with the first ever BOWDOIN HANDBOOK ON SEXILE ETIQUETTE:
Sexiler
-DO remember that you share a room and you are seriously inconveniencing
your roommate(s) in your actions
-DO remember that your roommate(s) will, either that night or the next
morning, need to get back in their room for clothes, books, toothbrush,
shower gear, etc.
-DO NOT sexile your roommate(s) for multiple days and/or nights in a
row. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
-DO make it as obvious as possible to your roommate(s) that the room
is occupied. Don't worry about embarassing yourself in front of your hookup-if
he or she wants it that badly, they can wait a minute while you lock the
door and write a note...(preferably not Ramona-style). Consider investing
in an always-handy dry-erase board-you'll thank yourself later.
-DO NOT rule out your common room as a sleeping option-either for yourself
or for your roommate(s). Consider investing in a futon or large, comfortable
sofa; Bowdoin-issued furniture often does not cut it.
-DO NOT make lots of noise or move around too much, especially in a bunk bed-that is, if you decide not to sexile your roommate(s). Consideration is absolutely a must.
Sexiled
-DO talk to your roommate(s) and agree on a method of indicating that
the room is occupied.
-DO stick to your agreement, and DO NOT barge in when the bandanna is
around the door.
-DO knock, announce your arrival, and fumble with the lock before entering
a room where you believe people may be hooking up.
-DO talk to your roommate(s) if they are sexiling you too often. Suggest
that couples alternate nights in each other's room.
-DO remember that you may have to be in a room where two people are sharing
a bed-this is a fact of college life, and you will have to get used to
it. If you find that you have serious moral or religious issues with this,
talk to your roommate(s) very early on. If it continues to be a problem,
you can consider transferring to a single.
Bottom Line: Don't be selfish. Remember that you're sharing a room, and do unto your roommate(s) as you would have your roommate(s) do unto you.