Volume CXXXI, Number 24 May 3, 2002 f

Nietzsche and the first punch
CRAIG GIAMMONA
COLUMNIST

As the hour of my graduation from Bowdoin College nears, I have begun a period of deep contemplation, the culmination of which will be a series of aphoristic, universally applicable truths and reflections based on my time in Brunswick as Bowdoin student.

For many weeks I have felt the undeniable urge to express myself in an unadulterated and honest way, but it wasn't until recently that I realized how this was possible. The tentative title of my book: Nietszchean Ruminations Just North of Boston: One Man's Struggle to Exist and Strive Among Herd Animals.

This will be a revolutionary project. The plan is to write Nietzschean aphorisms, followed by what I like to call "Herd Animal Commentary." After I express my views in a comprehensive and radical honest form, I will interpret my own writing in a way that common men will be able to understand.

Even though the project is still in its infant stage, I have managed to convince my extremely secretive publisher to allow a short excerpt to be printed in this week's Orient.

Mythology of the first punch: Oh, you Nihilists! Stop whining, your shrill voices offend my ears, for they are sensitive to the incoherence with which man speaks. You whine like a baby desperate for gratification and motherly reassurance, and shiver at the thought of life; a baby who has soiled himself for lack of control of his physiology.

I respond, not to the content of your ceaseless statements, but to the sheer cacophony which defines that which leaves you. It is a wonder he continues to do so, when it is clear from my nauseated countenance that I am uninterested and actively disgusted by your shallow personage, and even more so by its short linguistic offering which brings with it no semblance of importance or intelligibility. Have you not realized the shackles thrust upon you by our "modern" civilizations? Our mediocre collywaddling, yellow chicken-livered asceticism has made mythology of the inevitable inertia which leads those who are herd animals, or other such downtrodden obnoxious beasts, to become involved in physical discourse.

But this moral offense must be followed by a moral reaction that precludes you from physicality. If it is moral, it is universal and therefore cannot be manifested physically. This makes one sick, especially those contained in the herd, lacking the definition of character and spirit to have a transcendent understanding. They lack the fluidity to being for an appropriate digestion, and shiver from confrontation.

But it is far nobler, far healthier, for man to keep his offense inside the world of the comprehensively physical. If his will to power is his inherentness then he must seek his enemy and seek to annihilate that enemy if his views are found to be wrong or dishonestly created. If this is so, if he lacks the ability for a paradoxical understanding which laughs ironically at life's riddle, then he is lost and must keep away from others to whom his only affect is to prune away that which is most life-affirming.

Herd Animal Commentary: It is interesting to me how pervasive the "no first punch" ethic is. But I'm not crazy. I realize with all of my rational faculties that fighting is silly and should be avoided. If someone bumps and spills beer on me, I just smile, think to myself "What would Nietzsche do?" and walk on.

That could be because I am a slight man who would lose many physical battles. But I am natural, and this is good. Civilization has allowed man to separate himself from the beastly ancestors who operated on a code of kill or be killed, and the healthy have benefited from this.

But then again, aren't there some times when fights should happen? Maybe it's all the Nietzsche or horrible graduation anxiety, but sometimes I think a good old fashioned first punch is necessary. There are people who are mistaken about their own powers and need to be directed toward the right path. These individuals must be taught certain fundamental life lessons which they are incapable of grasping otherwise.

Maybe, but maybe not. I certainly don't want to fight. Talking about fighting is boring, so if there won't be fighting, there shouldn't be talk of it. People who want to talk about fighting should do it among themselves, so that those who do not want to talk about fighting don't have to be offended by the irrational verbal offerings of those who do.