Volume CXXXII, Number 1 September 13, 2002 f

Summer movies: three thumbs down
MONICA GUZMAN
ORIENT STAFF

Well, we had quite a summer, didn't we? Vicious heat waves, economic bad behavior, and of course the usual barrage of stupid summer movies. Unfortunately, the audiences continue to consume this bubbly, pointless, summer slush faster than a buttery bag of popcorn. And for what, I ask you, for what?

For recycled ideas and mindless sequels that Hollywood can get away with because we just keep paying to see them.

This summer was full of mostly forgettable flicks and I won't waste my time talking about those because, well, I've forgotten them. But I am going to talk about the summer films that stay with you (even if it's for all the wrong reasons). There's no way I could do all of them justice, but here's a few good examples.

Scooby-Doo was the first truly mindless summer blockbuster. I've always had respect for the cartoon, but who in the world thought of putting it on the big screen? Not a shred of this movie made sense. The cast was made up of teeny bopper allstars who, regardless of their acclaimed acting skills, seemed to have some trouble working with a blue-screen animated dog. Perhaps they were thrown off because it looked about as real as the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Now we move to a colorful sequel which also happens to double as this year's bad Will Smith movie. There was something eerily un-patriotic about releasing Men in Black 2 on Independence Day weekend. Burger King's MIB Happy Meal toys kept me more entertained than this. And again, I had respect for the original idea. Men in Black was really funny-Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones looked like they had fun doing it. But here, Tommy looks like he's ready to kill himself. Maybe it's because he realized at some point during production that release of the film might ruin his career.

Animal Planet had a quick-serve movie idea up its sleeve this summer too. Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course is the flick based on Australian madman Steve Irwin's misadventures. Whose bright idea was it to have this guy act? I would've accepted some documentary style film, but of course that didn't make it onto the big screen. What did make it onto the big screen was a makeshift plot in which (I can barely even write it) Steve Irwin saves the world. Now that is just ridiculous.

I know what you're thinking: what about Spiderman and Star Wars: Episode 2? My answer to you is this: May isn't summer yet. Those don't really count. And then you'll say, what about Minority Report, Road to Perdition, and Signs? And I'll say, yeah, I'll give you those. Any or all of those three may be up for Best Picture. But three in three months is bad. Real bad.

Perhaps the only redeeming factor about the summer movie season is getting to see the trailers for the fall movies-the good fall movies which we hope will totally rule.

So, as your life gets more hectic, remember that the movies only get better. They're out there for two reasons: to entertain you and to enlighten you. And I'm here to let you know which movies do that and to what degree-and if the outcome is worth your precious time and money then stay tuned.