|
Volume aaa, Number 7 |
 |
Jackass or genious?
MONICA GUZMAN
COLUMNIST
Ever wonder what stupidity looks like?
Watch Jackass. It'll become painfully clear.
This film has no story-it's not an adventure, a thrill ride, or anything one would normally associate with the term "movie." In fact, Jackass: The Movie isn't really a movie at all. It's just a series of disgusting, vomit-inducing answers to the question, "How stupid can people really be?"
Stupid enough to get paper cuts on the webs of all their fingers and toes; stupid enough to snort a huge chunk of wasabi with a straw and keep on doing it despite the vomiting between snorts; stupid enough to use an electric muscle stimulator on their most private parts; stupid enough to ride the (gulp) "bungee wedgie;" even stupid enough to shove a toy car up the wazoo and get an x-ray of it just for kicks.
But it's not all funny. It's also sick-sick and wrong. It's so nauseating that even their own cameraman (poor thing didn't have the option of looking away) puked not once, but twice while filming stunts-with the rest of the cast, of course, raising their beers and cheering him on.
You'd be very much inclined to think that these "actors" (freaks of nature is more like it) are perhaps the stupidest people in the world. Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Chris Pontius, Steve-O, Dave England, Ryan Dunn, Jason "Wee-Man" Acuña, and the rest of the gang endure an incredible degree of pain and humiliation (willingly!) to entertain themselves.
Assuredly drunk (how else could they possibly do all this), the highly-paid troupe cheers its members on as they do stunts that any normal human being would rather die than attempt. It's gross. It's wrong. But dammit, it's funny.
Jackass was number one at the box office this past weekend. That means that these people are making millions with no budget, no brains, no acting, no story-virtually no film. Now that's an accomplishment. Are these guys stupid? No-they're geniuses. Are we as a society, then, royally messed up? Hell yes.
In short, this film will make you wonder if you're really the nice, gentle, socially conscious person you think you are. Once the lights come up at the end, you'll feel ashamed of who you are and what you have been doing for the last 90 minutes.
You laughed when a man was almost killed by a bullet of sorts traveling 250 feet per second. You were genuinely amused when a professional boxer beat a man almost unconscious. Maybe you even laughed when someone was crushed by a golf cart. You'll feel ashamed, and then you'll go home and think about the terrible things you did.
Even if you can manage to hold on to your sense of humanity for some parts, you can't get away with it for long. And just in case you do try to clench your morality tightly throughout the whole thing, the film's ready to wrench it from your grip and send it hurtling towards a brick wall in a high-speed shopping cart. Rest assured, this film is guaranteed to transform every compassionate, socially-conscious, environmentally friendly soul who dares sit through it into just another blithering idiot, drooling soda and hooting at the screen.
So maybe for the first 15 minutes you manage to just stare in shock while your stomach does somersaults and your jaw drops ever lower. But little by little, your brain becomes a slimy goo, and by the last half hour you too will be laughing uproariously at the expense of others' pain, misery, and humiliation. There's no escaping this. So it's better just not to try.
Each minute of Jackass: The Movie is like a shot of hard liquor-pretty soon, you lose all control. Pretty soon, oh my fellow filmgoer, you are the jackass.