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Volume aaa, Number 7 |
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Rock gods: the case of the skinny white boy
MACAELA FLANAGAN
COLUMNIST
One of my dearest high school friends once confided to me his fear that he would never be accepted by the music world as anything other than, well, a dork. His self-diagnosed ailment, he insisted, was an incurable case of Skinny-White-Boy (symptoms include sub-100 pound frame, blindingly white skin, and awkward mannerisms). When I laughed at what I thought was a joke, he looked at me and in complete seriousness stated, "I'm not kidding. There is no one less cool than a skinny white boy." Despite my attempts to point out my friend's multitudes of wonderful traits and qualities, and to make him aware of how shallow he sounded, he was convinced that being a SWB was a fate worse than death.
Let me start by making it very clear that I don't think the way one looks, one's race, or one's sex reflects their musical ability at all. There are many good looking people out there who can't make music, and many less attractive people who can. However, in our beauty-obsessed culture, image plays a huge part in the role of a (commercially) successful rock star. But why does my bud thinks he is destined for failure due to his genes, when even Steven Tyler has achieved rock star status?
Considering our mutual love of music, the conversation with my miserable friend focused on SWBs in the music industry. I pointed out to him that the SWB type has carved a huge place for itself in the music industry. So, as my obvious passion for lists continues, here are the Skinny White Boys (in no particular order) that have stamped an immense impression on rock and roll despite their lack of body mass.
Mick Jagger. The man is a sex god. He will be celebrating his 60th birthday next year and he still rocks harder than people a third his age. Unite him with Keith, Ronnie, and Charlie and you have a whole support system for the young and downhearted SWB.
Jim Morrison. The badass thing worked.
Steven Tyler. I don't know anyone else with such odd features that looks as hot in leather pants as he does.
Tom Petty. I looked high and low for a list of the "Ugliest Rock Stars" that was published about a year ago. However, I don't know what publication it was in or who was on it with the exception of Mr. Petty. Now, that list is just downright mean, but he can still make a living by rocking out; he showed that with last summer's tour and his newly released album.
Tommy Lee. He stars in his own porn. Enough said.
David Bowie. He's a bit freaky and a bit sexy-but a successful SWB through and through.
Axl Rose. I don't know anyone else that can wear spandex in public and still be adored by his fans.
John Lennon. So he doesn't exactly mesh with everyone else mentioned in this article, but maybe that is why John Lennon has (and always will have) rock legend status. He's in a different league than my boy Axl, but is perhaps the most influential SWB in rock history.
They don't stop there. The Ramones, Bono, Sting, Jimmy Page, Robbie Robertson, Freddie Mercury…all in all, the SWBs have made a very distinctive space for themselves in shaping popular music history.
If we choose to look past the detriments that coke, heroin, alcohol, and years of being on the road can do to a person's body, it's clear to see that the road of rock and roll history is heavily traveled by SWBs. So as I told my friend, there are things far less cool than being a skinny white boy. Maybe he never will be Meatloaf, but is that really such a bad thing?