|
Volume CXXXII, Number 13 |
 |
The perils of getting to the top
LARA JACOBS
COLUMNIST
"There's no use trying," said Alice, "one cannot believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice, said the Queen.
"Why, when I was your age, I used to believe at least six impossible things before breakfast."
We grow up believing in the possibility of the impossible. As children, we live in a world of suspended reality, of Santa Clause, of fair play, of Wonderland. As time progresses and reality pervades on our before-breakfast dreams, we nevertheless retain certain illusions: if only we receive that promotion, if only Joe or Jenny returns our affections, if only we win that award, if only we seize our green light…then our lives will work out, then we will be happy.
However, as most of us have encountered at some point or another, believing in Wonderland is quite independent of being able to fall down the rabbit hole; often we don't get what we want; often our dreams go unrequited. Nonetheless, America is more than prepared for that moment when the dream ends; there is an entire section at Barnes and Noble dedicated to dealing with loss, radio shows and newspaper columnists populate every city giving advice on moving forward, and countless psychologists are available to help you redefine and reinvent yourself. In some ways, there's a part of us that never really expects the unexpected. Like Sisyphus, we are more than ready to resume pushing the rock back up the hill.
All this begs the question, what happens if Sisyphus actually makes it up? What happens when we get accepted to the school of our choice or our dream internship? What happens when we meet the person we've spent all our lives waiting for and they actually like us back? For a culture that prides itself on the wealth of self-help, radios shows, astrologers, and counselors to help us when we fail, there is little available to coach us when we succeed, when our dreams are realized. Wonderland is an uncharted territory.
Getting what we want challenges us as much as coming up empty handed. For when we don't succeed, when Sisyphus doesn't reach the top of the hill, he dusts himself off and begins again the same task on the same path that he's been working at all of his life. In contrast, making it to the top belies the question, what's next? Whether it is a higher peak or a new valley, the terrain is unfamiliar.
Thus, it is not surprising that so many of us fear success as much as failure, and that sometimes we feel let down when we get what we wanted and worked hard for. The sense of loss that can accompany the realization of a long term dream stems from two main sources: the emptiness that comes when the goal that defined our existence for so long no longer stands before us waiting to be achieved, and the fear that we'll lose our new-found love or job that was so hard to obtain-what if we trip and the rock falls back down?
Yet the greatest peril of getting what we want is the possibility that all of the training, the rock pushing, the sweat and blood, which enabled us to achieve our dream, were for naught-the view from the top isn't as great as we thought it would be from the bottom, the law school acceptance letter doesn't make us as happy as we thought it would. Whether at the bottom, halfway up, or at the pinnacle of a dream, keep perspective: making it to the summit of this goal is not a final destination, but a brief resting point before tackling the next mountain. Consequently, next time you're standing at the peak and it isn't everything you thought it would be, look around at where you've come from, where you are, and where you're headed, and keep pushing.
|
FastCounter by bCentral |