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Volume CXXXII, Number 14 |
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Exposing your musical self to the masses
MACAELA FLANAGAN
COLUMNIST
It's all about an image...if you're trying to sell music to the masses, that is. Marketing bands to specific groups of people is not a new trend. While not necessarily accurate, the stereotypes surrounding music listeners have been emphasized and parodied in countless movies and advertisements. Now, finally, a quicker and easier way to tell you what stereotypic mass you belong to and what type of music you "should" listen to-if you buy into the whole image thing, that is.
1. Look down. Your shoes are:
a. Birkenstocks
b. Stolen bowling shoe rentals
c. Cowboy boots
d. Pink platforms
2. You win a contest and can choose any CD that is currently on the Billboard
Top 10. You take:
a. Uhh, can I choose from the 1968 charts?
b. Nothing. Anything on the Billboard Top 10 must suck
c. Home, Dixie Chicks
d. Let Go, Avril Lavigne
3. You spend most of your money on:
a. Pot
b. Concert tickets and cover charges
c. Whiskey
d. T-shirts with slogans like "99% Angel."
4. Your dream date is:
a. Grace Slick or Jon Fishman
b. The hot guitarist in that indie band that only you and five other people
at Bowdoin know about.
c. Garth Brooks or any of the Dixie Chicks.
d. Britney Spears or Justin Timberlake.
5. You drive:
a. A VW bus
b. Nothing, moron. Where I come from we have a thing called a subway.
c. A pick-up
d. Whatever mommy and daddy bought you.
6. Maine is:
a. Peaceful and soothing.
b. Devoid of all cultural existence. I hate pine trees.
c. Like home, only a hell of a lot colder.
d. Not sympathetic to stiletto heels and mini skirts.
7. You belong to the:
a. Outing Club
b. WBOR
c. NRA
d. Umm, my BFFs and I hang out exclusively. I mean, like 24/7. Does that
count?
8. The last CD you acquired was:
a. A live bootleg.
b. I buy vinyl.
c. Shania; boy did that halftime show rock.
d. I just burn CDs with all my faves! I mean, who can listen to a whole
album without getting bored, ya know?
9. You go on a blind date and he/she takes you to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
You:
a. Feel confused and out of your element.
b. Are overjoyed. This is the best blind date ever. You hear wedding bells.
c. Don't do blind dates. You have been happily married to your cousin
since the ripe old age of 12.
d. Become frightened and hide in the girls room where you call your 50
closest friends from your cell phone.
10. The perfect concert is:
a. an entire weekend of camping and music.
b. In a smoky, dark, and obscure club.
c. On my porch with grandpa and his fiddle.
d. Where there are cute boys/girls.
11. The Beatles are:
a. Great, especially post-Revolver.
b. Were cool. Paul McCartney is a sell-out.
c. Damn foreigners.
d. Ew, I don't like insects!
If you scored mostly As: You're a HIPPIE. Key traits are your dreads
and blood shot eyes. You are a target audience for Phish and MM&W.
You play the guitar, or at least pretend to. You've been told you were
born 30 years too late.
Mostly Bs: You're a HIPSTER. You chain smoke cigarettes, drink excessive
amounts of coffee, and wear all black. You live for music, but only music
that less than five percent of the population knows. You are a target
audience for indie bands. You're in a band, or at least date an indie
rocker. The more obscure the music, the better.
Mostly Cs: You're a SOUTHERN FRIED COWBOY/GIRL. You have a thick accent and live south of the Mason-Dixon line (or perhaps north of Portland, ME). You like a whole lotta twang. You wear a cowboy hat to bed. Yodels and fiddles turn you on.
Mostly Ds: You're a BUBBLE-GUM POPSTER. You wanted to be on American Idol. People often mistake you for a 13-year-old. You think music is more enjoyable when the artist is attractive.
Image has become a crucial factor in marketing artists, and as consumers
we ultimately decide what trends last and which ones crash. Now, after
years of worrying about your image, you finally know how you appear to
the rest of consumer culture.
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