|
Volume CXXXII, Number 14 |
 |
Bowdoin laxity a laxative?
JASON LONG
COLUMNIST
Sometimes I feel like there is this lax nature about Bowdoin College. Remember last semester when the ceiling collapsed in Hyde because of a major water leak? How did we let Hyde become so unstable? We all knew Hyde was a matchbox waiting for a spark, but now it appears that all it would take to reduce the dorm to a scrap heap is a good garden hose. That's comforting. This incident isn't isolated either, as last week the ceiling and light fixture collapsed in the Smith Union workout room. As the patchwork effort continues, the halfhearted nature of Bowdoin College becomes more and more apparent.
As my girlfriend pointed out to me the other night, "If we are rebuilding the chapel stone by stone, why can't we get some 409 and wipe off the stain on the polar bear's butt?" It's true-every day I leave the Smith Union through the Sargent Gym doors to be greeted by an oily stain strategically located on the back of our once proud marble mascot. It looks like the poor thing had the nacho cheese at Moulton. On the other hand it may be a miracle, like those statues of the Virgin Mary that cry blood, only our icon happens to excrete baby oil. Go U Bears, but don't forget to wipe.
The College makes its most blaringly lax effort when making facilities more accessible to those with a physical disadvantage. Take the library for an example. Look around and you see a wonderfully refurbished area. Now what if you couldn't see-say you were blind. If you were in our library and you were blind, where would you be?
Well, apparently the College thinks that the fifth floor of the Hubbard stacks is a likely location. I say this because we have Braille signs about the size of a postcard on the wall letting you know that you are on the fifth floor. There also is another Braille plate right by the stairs that reads, "Stairs." It should read, "Brace yourself, we placed this sign too close to the stairs and you are about to fall down." Whoever placed these signs is genuinely sadistic. Let me be clear, having Braille plates in the Hubbard Stacks is fine, but I am dismayed that we have them there but we do NOT have Braille plates in the section with audio books! Gee, where do you think a Braille plate may serve a better purpose? Yet more evidence of the shallow effort the College often makes.
Say that when you fell down the stairs in the stacks you hurt yourself and now need some medical attention. Well, good luck hobbling past the steep stairs that guard the Health Center from anyone with a physical injury. We do have, however, an adequate handicap entrance to Helmreich House. This virtual speakeasy has a ramp long enough to hold a roller derby, but it is more easily traveled than the climb at Dudley Coe. Come on Bowdoin, why not just build a moat around the darn thing? My advice is this: if you need a painkiller, just go to the campuswide at Helmreich. But I shouldn't get too down on the Health Center. After all, they do offer as many flavors of condoms as a Jelly Belly Easter assortment.
On that note, I am sick of getting condoms in my mailbox every couple of months. Let me put it like this, if you are too irresponsible to walk to the Dudley Coe and pick up a couple free condoms on your own time, then you should not be having sex. Got that? Not you, not now. Go watch the Vagina Monologues, take notes. Just because the college is lax doesn't mean you can follow suit.
|
FastCounter by bCentral |