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Volume CXXXII, Number 16 |
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Searching for your soulmate
KARA OPPENHEIM
COLUMNIST
It would seem to make sense. A person who is interested in another person should be able to get to know them better and then decide whether they want to spend more time with them and ultimately if they want to get into a relationship with them or not. Sounds simple, but apparently Bowdoin students think that wishing really, really hard will get their crush to fall in love with them. Frankly, that's just dumb. If you want a good grade, you study; if you want another beer, you get up and walk to the keg, right? So why, if you want a person, would you just stand there and whine about it when you could actually do something? That is why this week I challenge Bowdoin to TAKE ACTION.
"It's absurd how many times I hear someone say, 'Why is she with him?' or 'How did she get that guy?'" bemoans Carrie. "You get someone by going after them!" This is true. I cannot begin to count how many relationships (or hookups, for that matter) that have occurred simply because one person wanted another and did something about it.
I realize this may seem like a foreign concept to some people. It is much easier to talk about thinking someone is really cool or attractive. But I think there would be a lot less frustration (sexual and otherwise) on this campus if people actually went after whom they wanted to.
Lee is a perfect example of someone who asks a girl out when he decides he likes her. He goes on more dates than anyone else I know at Bowdoin. Sometimes he gets turned down, sometimes the date doesn't lead to anything, but as long as he keeps trying, he's never lonely for too long.
I don't know why more people don't let their crushes know they like them. News flash: people like being liked! Finding out you like them may even be cause enough for a person to start liking you!
Meghan had always known Aaron but never thought twice about him until he asked her out-they dated happily for a few months and all because he went for it. She is, to be completely shallow, a lot better looking than he is and many people wondered why they were going out. "Honestly," Meghan says now, "I hadn't thought about him in that way and there were definitely other guys I was interested in at the time, but when a really great guy makes a move, you can't help but be flattered. When he asked me out, I figured 'Why not?' and look what happened!" As hard as it might be to believe, just going for someone may be all you need to get him or her.
It may seem as though I am only talking about guys asking out girls. I am by no means precluding a girl asking a guy out-I think it would be great if it happened more often, and from what I am told, guys feel the same way.
(Yes, I know in this context I am talking about heterosexual people, but I can't even begin to imagine the frustration between two lesbians, neither one having enough nerve to ask the other out)
Until such is the norm with straight couples, I have another proposal. Although I realize I am going out on a limb here with my conservatism, I would like to promote another, more immediate solution. If a girl is not going to ask out a guy she likes, the least she can do is to show interest. Telling all of his friends and teammates may be part of this, but too often girls think that suffices. I mean she should let a guy know that she likes him so that he knows he can ask her out without fear of rejection, which, we all know, is really what's holding everyone back.
That said, I know I am putting most of the onus on the male sex. But hey, Valentine's Day is over, which takes some pressure off, and now there is really no excuse. If a guy is happily single, he should of course not ask someone out for the sake of doing it.
So, here is my challenge to the male population at Bowdoin: if there is a girl you like, or a girl you think might like you (and you are not so averse to the thought) then stop whining about it and take some action! Obviously this takes much more courage than just drunkenly throwing yourself into someone's bed, but the potential rewards are so much greater.
If you've wanted her since your Pre-O or if a girl in your Government class has been flirting with you consistently for a while, call her, write her an email or just ask her out in person. You might be surprised. Lauren testifies; "If any guy asked me out, as long as did not already know I hated him, I would at least go on one date with him. Why not? Who knows what could happen if I got to know him a little better?" FACT: EVERY GIRL I ASKED ABOUT THIS AGREED THAT UNLESS THEY ALREADY KNEW THEY DID NOT LIKE A CERTAIN GUY, THEY WOULD NOT TURN DOWN A DATE.
So girls, if you don't have the guts to ask someone out, let him know you are interested. Guys, you have so much more to lose if you don't make the move. Go for it!
I mean, let's be honest, where would Ty Cobb be if he hadn't swung at all?
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