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Volume CXXXII, Number 17 |
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The diner is finer
KERRY ELSON
COLUMNIST
All Aboard Brunswick Diner!
Hat box?
Check.
Parasol for sunny days?
Check.
Jane Austen novel for the ride?
Check.
Stationery and quill to maintain contact with friends and loved ones?
Check.
Equipped for her train ride out of Brunswick to her homeland, Vittleville, the Foodie stepped aboard what she believed was the first class passenger car, curiously labeled "Brunswick Diner."
However, it had appeared that she stepped instead into the dining car. Eager to settle in before departure, the Foodie nevertheless decided to set down her bags and order brunch; savory scents from the kitchen convinced her to stay. She was pleased to find that she would enjoy freshly prepared meals, not the pre-packaged peanuts and chips normally served to passengers. Though this establishment seats few due to space limitations, its small size contributes to its charm.
But even a charming restaurant should provide service. If she couldn't find an attendant to direct her to a passenger car, the Foodie would have at least liked to order something to satiate her growling stomach. Neither a porter nor a waitress was to be found.
After the Foodie had memorized the individual patterns of the quaint coffeemugs that hung in a row on the wall, she finally decided to take matters into her own hands and request a menu. She was shocked that the expensive Brunswick Diner ticket did not include obsequious service in addition to transport. A shifty-eyed, frazzled waitress sidled over to her booth to take her order.
The Foodie has learned it IS too much to ask for freshly squeezed orange juice in most Brunswick restaurants. Of those at which she has dined, none has provided it. The express train to Vittleville, Brunswick Diner, provides the same papier-mache-tasting juice avaliable at all other establishments here. She didn't even bother to order coffee as she feared it would be just as pasty.
The vegetable and potato hash proved much more satisfying. Breakfast-seekers are advised to buy a ticket for the Vittleville Express if they have already exhausted the fine morning offerings of Broadway Deli. A huge plate of golden-brown potatoes were soft and flavored with oregano, which complemented the green peppers, mushrooms and potatoes sauteed within the mixture. Melted cheddar cheese blanketed the savory blend and acted effectively as an emulsifier. This hearty meal satisfied the Foodie for the entire duration of her trip to her homeland.
The Foodie was pleased to find that her meal cost only seven dollars. Having paid the bill, the Foodie navigated the train to find her seat. However, a waitress kindly informed her that Brunswick Diner was not, in fact, a functioning mode of transportation.
It's shape is that of an old train car, but, silly Foodie, such a shape does not connote an ability to transport customers as a train does.
Ashamed at her ignorance, the Foodie exited the dining car and walked down Pleasant Street, searching wantonly for the Vittleville Express. Though she had missed her train, the Foodie was still eager to return to Brunswick Diner.
She wanted to sample more of its dishes, among them tempting waffles, omellettes and pies, which would satisfy any Hungry Jack or Jane.
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