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Volume CXXXII, Number 19 |
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Chris doesn't rock
MONICA GUZMAN
COLUMNIST
"Chris Rock's a funny guy. I mean, come on, have you seen his stand-up? It's not only hilarious, it's also smart. His humor usually means something, you know? That points to something. Michael Moore used a clip from 'Bigger and Blacker' in Bowling for Columbine, for crying out loud! Did you know that won for Best Documentary Feature? The man's no idiot, and he made a movie about a black man running for president…"
The preceding is my rehearsed defense for having willingly seen Chris Rock's comedy Head of State. It usually breaks down after that Michael Moore thing, once it comes out that I subjected not only myself but also three other innocent bystanders to this torture, or that we were clearly the oldest people in the theater. I should have escaped while I still had the chance. A ditzy girl behind us kicked the chair as she flirted with her junior high crush. Someone shouted a joke worthy only of locker room conversations. Then the lights came down and the truth became all too clear: I had reverted to the movie choice of a 14-year-old.
If this wasn't painful enough, the movie itself only turned the knife. It was like hearing a relative hit all the wrong notes at a piano recital. It was like watching Jackass. It was like hearing long nails scratch a chalkboard while having a bullhorn blare in one ear while wolfing down liver and brussel sprouts. All this from Chris Rock? Oh, the agony. I threw my head back and cried.
Head of State tells the "story" (if that's what you want to call it) of Mays Gilliam, a D.C. alderman chosen as a presidential candidate for the Democratic party after both of the original candidates die when their planes crash into each other. After he is made to read the usual political speeches and make the normal promises in his campaign, Mays decides to let his own voice be heard, launching his popularity as an unconventional but honest candidate.
Other than Bernie Mac, Mays's brother and running mate, no one here is famous, let alone important. As these are all clearly their worst performances to date, their names would be nothing more than blots of ink on this page.
Usually, this can be blamed on two filmmaking positions: the director, for not using his leadership role to bring out the best in the actors, or at least work the camera around them so they look good, and the writer, for having written an unnatural, unworkable script. Having missed both the director's and the writer's names at the movie, I looked them up when I got home, only to find that my deepest, darkest suspicions were true: it was all Chris Rock.
Now, Chris Rock is a funny guy. He's been in other comedies and has done relatively well. And his idea for this movie-having a black man run for office-hey, that has potential. He could have made some good jabs at our racist politics. But, no. Other than some weak pokes at the establishment, the funniest he could come up with was a government division of trained political "superwhores" (which did get some of the film's only laughs) and a joke that "if Michael Jackson were any whiter he would be clear."
I will give him credit for his efforts. The film did have its moments, and it was easy to tell that he tried to make a warm-hearted, easygoing comedy. I mean, the sappy music was both audible and injected into the right corny scenes. The actors did speak noticeably slower when they whispered sweet nothing clichés. I can at least conceive of an audience member crying or laughing profusely, if he's under the age of two. And hey, the 14-year-olds seemed to enjoy it immensely. I could see some of their heads bobbing to "Hot in Herre." "Overplayed" is not their vocabulary.
The bottom line: this was like Steven Spielberg directing Piglet's Big Movie. Anyone who knows Chris Rock's stuff knows he has the potential to do much, much more with the concept and the storyline. That was the most painful thing about it-seeing a well-respected comedian choke. I really have no excuse-no defense. I saw this movie because I wanted to, because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I have learned my lesson. Never trust a trailer.
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