|
Volume CXXXIII, Number 1 |
 |
A key reference guide for '07
KARA OPPENHEIM
COLUMNIST
Dear Class of 2007,
Here you are, about to embark your Bowdoin career. You're probably pretty settled in by now, your classes decided, rooms fully decorated and neighbors met. It is in these first few weeks that you may find your thoughts turning to other areas of your lives: namely sex and relationships in their various incarnations. Despite the statistics spewed by tour guides regarding our extraordinary marriage rates, Bowdoin students actually may spend their four years exploring an array of romantic options. Sometimes there seem to be too many options, while at other times we feel trapped. After a few years of writing columns on these very topics, I would like to impart my wisdom onto you and introduce you to the Bowdoin social scene. Allow me to explain what lies ahead under the Pines:
The Random Hookup: Almost always associated with alcohol, this is the easiest and most common affair at Bowdoin. In the real world, this may be known as the "one-night stand." A random hookup necessitates two people, at least one of whom has usually decided to "hook up" that night, and very high sex drives (often influenced by adolescence, beer, tightly packed parties and either scant clothing due to warm weather or boredom due to cold weather). Participants may be in different classes. Generally, the two people have been introduced before and so they feel comfortable enough to strike up a conversation that will later be accessorized by arm-touching, eye contact and assorted other innuendo. This interaction lasts anywhere from a half hour to two and results in the couple returning to one's room, "sexiling" the roommates and engaging in anything from basic kissing to intercourse. Sleeping over is optional, although if this occurs, driving your guest home is highly encouraged.
The random hookup rarely leads to anything except a few awkward encounters later on-"Oh my God, I hooked up with him the other week at _____." (I can only think of one case where a random hookup led to a date that led to a relationship. But I must stress that this is an extremely isolated incident.) The Continuous (or Regular) Hookup: What happens when the people involved in the random hookup "clicked" physically or one or more is really desperate anything between a hookup and a relationship. Participants generally like to say "We just hook up" or "We're kind of together, I guess, but we are NOT going out."It May last for a while and include a minimal email relationship, but no real emotional involvement is expected. ("Expected" is a key word here unfortunately, in many cases, emotional involvement develops and ultimately causes stress, tears and name-calling. This may be avoided with the substitution of basic human kindness and decency in place of misleading clichés that may be deemed "what she/he wants to hear.") Once again, I can only think of a few examples of the continuous hookup leading to anything more. It can also lead to awkwardness, like, "She hates me because last year, we were hooking up and then one night I …"
The Friends Who Hook up: Has potential to be either the least or the most complex of the bunch. In its benevolent form, two friends (who have often had a few beers) have not gotten any in a while and so agree to help each other out. Neither is particularly attracted to the other and they remain friends, perhaps even closer, having gotten all sexual tension out of the way. This is fine. It is also possible, though, that a Continuous Hookup will ensue and therein lays the danger. If one or both of them begins to think, "Well, we really get along, and I am attracted to him/her too. It makes sense for us to go out," there is a) the possibility that the other party does not feel the same way and the friendship may be ruined, or b) the possibility that a relationship will begin. It is true that Friends Who Hook up may make fabulous couples and one day become another marriage statistic.
However, it is also possible that while two people get along and are perhaps even attracted to eachother, they may lack that ineffable "spark" that is necessary in order to sustain a loving relationship and can find themselves in a very hurtful position, especially if they are in the same group of friends. Thus the hypothesis: If and only if Friends Who Hook up truly believe they can make it to The Healthy Bowdoin Relationship (see below) then they should go for it. Otherwise, they should be wary of the path they tread.
The Non-Sexual Relationship: This is not a conventional sort of coupledom. I include it only because I know of many heterosexual friendships that extend far beyond the realms of usual 'guy friend'-'friend who's a girl' but exclude hookups. That said, those involved depend on each other in a manner usually associated with a boyfriend or girlfriend and will get VERY jealous if the other leaves a party with someone else. It seems to be something about emotional rather than physical fulfillment. I highly advise against breaking these bonds unless in the pursuit of The Healthy Bowdoin Relationship (see below) as the platonic friend will, more often than not, win out.
The Healthy Bowdoin Relationship: This occurs when two people who see each other a lot (indicating many shared interests) and are unburdened by a history of too-close friendship-realize that they are attracted to each other. They get to know one another better and realize that their attraction is more than physical (or more than mental, as the case may be). One of the two, a common friend, or an uninhibited observer, might bring up the fact that their feelings are mutual, but sometimes it just happens on its own. Very important to success is that neither of the involved have a boyfriend or girlfriend from home. The couple may, at this point, begin to hook up but they are not in immediate danger of any of the above problems because they have laid a sound foundation, hold no illusions of the other and have the same sort of feelings upon entering the Healthy Bowdoin Relationship. They will probably have dinner on birthdays, Valentines Day, and a few other random occasions throughout the semester, although depending on certain athletic affiliations, that number could diminish. Healthy Bowdoin Relationships are characterized by each partner having at least a few friends who are not friends with the other, and are flexible, accommodating school and/or extracurricular stress. Healthy Bowdoin Couples understand that sometimes, going collapsing into bed together is all you're going to get for a week or two, while trusting that they will always be there for each other. The Healthy Bowdoin Relationship is a rare thing you may think it more common, but trust me, those are all shams and it's actually quite hard to find so if you find yourself in one, make it work, for Lord's sake.
And so, dear freshmen, in conclusion, I hope I have helped you to understand
a little of what goes on here at Bowdoin. I'm sure you all experienced
a lot in high school but, in any case, this simplified catalogue is intended
to remind you what your options are as a Polar Bear. I would like to stress,
moreover, that these are hardly the only possibilities; they are but the
most common and easiest situations in which you find yourself. Do not
despair, those of you who leave parties with your own two hands in your
own two pockets. Just as enjoyable may be the evenings you rush home to
call Dominos before two and share pizza and laughter with good friends.
|
FastCounter by bCentral |