|
Volume CXXXIII, Number 4 |
 |
Look out for friend's health
JEFF BENSON, M.D.
DUDLEY COE HEALTH CENTER
Dear Dr. Jeff: What do I do if I'm concerned about the health of a friend, but I don't want my friend to have to leave school? T.F.
Dear T.F.: Great question!
At Bowdoin, we do try to look out for one another, and the health and well-being of a friend can become quite concerning.
Suppose your friend is engaging in some unhealthy behavior: binge drinking, purging after meals, or over-exercising. What to do?
Here are a few ideas to consider. First, concern for your friend's safety should drive this bus. To put it most dramatically, you would rather have a live, angry friend than a dead or disabled one.
Second, students leave school for medical reasons when they are in crisis, unable to get well, or unable to stay well on campus. If they can be helped out earlier in their struggles, then a full-blown crisis might be prevented, and their problems adequately addressed here at school.
Third, despite how they may at first seem, medical leaves are in fact not punitive, but supportive interventions. They are undertaken only when there are serious safety concerns and successful participation in campus life is no longer possible-at the moment. As the Deans like to say, Bowdoin has been here for a great many years, and will still be here for a great many more years to come. The College will always stand ready to welcome back students from medical leaves, delighted to see them again able to thrive and gain the most from their eight short semesters under the Pines.
So talk to your friend. Stay focused on how you feel about what's happening to her or him. Express your concerns about specific changes you've noticed or observations you've made (about her or him as a person, not about the health problem itself).
Have realistic goals for your conversation. Prepare yourself for the possibility that you'll make your friend defensive and even angry. Obviously, you won't be able to "just change" her or his behavior. Your friend might not even want to open up to you at all. Hopefully, you will at least be able to open the door to talking more, to show your support and concern, and to offer to help get help. No matter how indifferent your friend might seem, at some level your concern will be heard, your support felt, and your friend moved at least one step closer to finding the help she or he needs.
Consider finding help for yourself. Friends sometimes avoid tough conversations or think they can handle these difficult situations on their own. Beware of co-dependency, that is, involving yourself in a way that ends up protecting and enabling the very behaviors you're trying to help change.
Don't take it all on yourself. There are many different resources available to help you and your friend. Come in to the Health Center, the Counseling Center, the Women's Resource Center, the Dean's Office or Res Life. Talk to your proctor or R.A., your professor, your trainer or coach. You can feel free to discuss your concerns confidentially and to keep your friend anonymous, if that makes it easier.
The important thing is to reach out-to your friend, for your friend, and for yourself.
Be well! And take good care of yourselves and each other!
Jeff Benson, M.D.
Dudley Coe Health Center
|
FastCounter by bCentral |