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Volume CXXXIII, Number 4 |
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Red Sox postseason causes madness
J.P. BOX
ALUMNI CONTRIBUTOR
Like fall's hardest hue to hold, nothing gold stays - and retirement never lasts. How do you like that? I started off my first and last sports article in my post-Bowdoin days with a bad and awkward Robert Frost reference, but I don't care.
I have a message to deliver, a message so important that I voluntarily stepped forward to be that kid who graduates and keeps writing for the Orient. I know that the Bowdoin faithful need to hear the voice of reason with October playoff hopes hanging thick in the air. For the College's sake, I hope that the Boston Red Sox lose.
This Red Sox team has a legitimate chance to win the World Series. Their archnemisis, the New York Yankees, have been placed under such intense pressure by owner George Steinbrenner that they will wilt before reaching the Series. Optimism has been replaced by the hardenned stare of Steinbrenner who has single-handedly sucked the joy of the game from his mighty team.
The Yankees of 2003 were assembled for one purpose: to be the most dominant team in history. Backed by the best starting pitching, one of the best closers in the business, and electric bats, New York was supposed to cruise to its unprecedented 27th championship.
However, the greatest owner in sports put a stranglehold on his team that shook the confidence of his players while straining his relationship with a top-tier manager in Joe Torre. The Yankees are fighting to please the boss - not to win a championship.
Steinbrenner's moronic middling leaves the door open for the Red Sox who are primed to tear through American League foes. With memories of Greg Buckner circulating pungently, the Red Sox will meet the Atlanta Braves in the World Series.
For the wellbeing of Boston and the health of many Bowdoin students,
I pray that the Red Sox don't make it that far. Could you imagine the
scene?
There would first be the obligatory mantra of "We won the Series!
Let's light fires and turn over cars!" Personally, I do not see the
connection between the two. In Boston, however, you would see 80-year-old
men alongside 20 year-olds setting fires, flipping cars, and honking their
'88 Volvo's horn for all its worth.
The sleepy, retirement town of Brunswick would require President Bush (always quick to kick someone's ass) to send in the National Guard to restore order. Within a week, Brunswick would be as ugly and scarred as Lewiston. Professors might even start selling drugs to supplement their humble teaching salaries, and the College fall into general disarray.
After the initial bedlem, over half the student body would drop out. The kids from Boston would stop attending classes, doing homework, and - men and women alike - would stop shaving. Who cares about anything else? The Sox won the Series!
Those poor souls who dropped out would return to Boston to live a life in the streets. They would soon meet up with their fellow beared and hairy friends who also dropped out of other prestigous colleges throught New England. They would sleep under bridges at night and stay warm just by thinking "mmmmm, Sox won the Series."
If the Red Sox win the World Series, we would lose an entire generation of outstanding young Bostonians. Their passion, will, and drive would be ceremonisouly removed. It would take the College years to recuperate from the fatal blow while simulatenously errasing the future accomplishments of an entire generation.
If I'm Bud Selig and the Sox are within a game of winning the Series,
I demand a California-like recall of playoff teams. He owes it to the
game. He owes it to the fans. He owes it to Boston to, if need be, pit
the Tigers against the Padres for the World Series.
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