Volume CXXXIII, Number 5 October 10, 2003 f

Keep Parents Weekend peaceful

LINDSAY J. MULLEN
ORIENT STAFF

Dear Lindsay,

Can you give me some advice about how to get through an entire weekend with my parents?

-Wary of the Weekend

Dear Wary,

Send your bed buddy back to his/her own room, knock down the tower of beer cans in your common room, and for Pete's sake, do some laundry. After all, it's Parents Weekend. At this very moment, proud Bowdoin parents either are on their way here or have already descended on campus. And don't think for a moment that Mummy's hands weren't tightly clasped in anticipation of seeing her baby during the entire trip.

Your parents are likely very excited about their visit, so don't be a dud. Show the folks a good time. Now you are obviously less than thrilled about the idea of spending the weekend with your parents. However, contrary to popular belief, this weekend wasn't designed as a form of punishment for you. Parents Weekend is actually supposed to be fun, so here are my top ten suggestions of how to make it go as smoothly as possible and help you avoid potentially irritating situations. I think I will call it…

The Top Ten Ways to Avoid Conflict on Parents Weekend

10. Now, I am not sure if there will be the same wooden chair building demonstration they had a couple of years ago, but if they do, avoid it, or you may be overcome with the urge to knock yourself out with one of the unfinished chair legs.

9. If you take a trip to Freeport, expect to see everyone you've ever known at Bowdoin. Then expect to see everyone wearing the same sweater you just bought next week. After all, there are only so many stores in Freeport. (Tip: The only store you may be able to get in and out of undetected is J.Crew. Riiight.)

8. Don't wait until you're really really hungry to decide to go to Cook's at 6:30 on Saturday night. Hungry people are irritable people. Make a reservation at a restaurant ahead of time, or if your restaurant of choice doesn't take reservations, go BEFORE you get hungry.

7. If you know from past experiences that Parents Weekend just isn't for your family, encourage Mom and Dad to sign up for the Outing Club's canoe trip. Then watch and wave as they paddle away.

6. If you are not a Sarah and James Bowdoin Scholar, don't take your parents to the ceremony. As nice as it would be for them to hear all the names of all the students who won all the awards that you didn't, I just wouldn't recommend going if you don't want a lecture about improving your "study habits."

5. Strongly discourage Mom and Dad from driving up separately in the family's Suburban and Navigator if they entertain any notion of parking within a two-mile radius of the campus. If two vehicles are absolutely necessary, make sure you remind them to pack their roller blades.

4. Get rid of the empties before the parental units arrive so that you don't have to convince them that you're in charge of Bowdoin's recycling program. If you do find yourself in such a jam, think "Sustainable Bowdoin."

3. If Dad likes to groove but unfortunately dances to the beat of a different drummer, encourage the family to eat brunch before 11:00 on Sunday. That way there won't be any chance he'll get to show off his moves in front of all your friends at Thorne's jazz brunch.

2. When mom decides that a library tour sounds really interesting, know your limits. Say, "Oh, that's such a shame. I just went on one of those the other day in between my 8:00 class and my four-hour lab. But you should definitely go on one. I found it fascinating, just fascinating." Then be a good child and walk her to the library. While Mom checks out the books, you can check your email.

1. Refrain from uttering the phrase, "Man, I could really use a drink" at any time.

These are only a few suggestions. Take them or leave them. Just keep in mind that your parents are looking forward to spending time with you this weekend. The least you can do is smack a smile on your face and appreciate the fact that they are here. Some of your fellow Polar Bears would love to have their families here, but are unable to connect with them this weekend.

If you give it your all this weekend and still find yourself cringing when people mention Parents Weekend next year, then my advice is the following: call Mummy and Daddy up about a month ahead of time, and let them know that "this Parents Weekend thing is really getting old."

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