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Volume CXXXIII, Number 11 |
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Decisions, not choices, shape who we truly are
KATHERINE S. HAYES
CONTRIBUTOR
I was unaware that college entailed so many important decisions. Seemingly, decisions defining not only your college career, but also the rest of your life. I thought after the "where to go to college" question was determined, ensuing decisions would at least seem less daunting. Little did I know that that decision was only the beginning of the onslaught of "major life decisions." However, through these contemplative and often stressful experiences, I have recently gained some insight into how to manage the decision making process and learned three important things to remember: 1) The only person who matters when making decisions about your life is you. 2) Rarely is any decision ever final. 3) There is no "right" decision.
Unfortunately, I only gained this wisdom in retrospect. Maybe it's the nature of sophomore year, but the month of November seemed to be a huge pick-your-classes-decide-your-life month. November started with 'MAKING MAJOR DECISIONS-A PANEL FOR SOPHOMORES.' "What is your major? What are you passionate about? What are you good at? (Because there may be a recognizable difference.) What inspires you? Would you like to study in Switzerland? Or Senegal? Do you even want to study away? (Because it does mean four months in a foreign country.) Is graduate school your next destination? Or does the real world appeal to you? Internship, anyone?"
Decisions. I attended this panel hoping it would give me answers. Instead, I ended up just asking more questions. Not only was I trying to figure out what I was interested in and passionate about studying, but also I was trying to make sure my interests would be approved by everyone else. What my family would think of a Women's Studies major, how my friends would react to dropping the chemistry minor... what my future employers would make of a biology degree. Decisions are difficult to make when you are torn between the voices in your own head; they get really messy when you throw in an uncle, a sister, a best friend, and the unknown. (Insight #1 would have helped here.)
Then the email came: Registration, Phase I; cards due Thursday, 5:00 p.m. As if by Thursday at five I would have figured out my life.
Classes. Four classes, a whole new semester while I am still trying to make it through this one. I have a hard time deciding on what to wear tomorrow; I don't know what classes I want to be spending the next five months of next semester learning about. Beyond next semester, I felt like this registration card determined my transcript next semester, but that it would formulate the sequence of my life for the next 50 years. So after a contemplative, and what felt like a pivotal process in terms of my direction in life, I managed to fill out the card with classes that I am happy with...for now anyway. (Insight #2 would have helped here.)
So after dropping off my registration card, I left for Thanksgiving break and drove 600 miles to Virginia to be with family. I thought I was going on vacation: getting away from school, and the work and the stress of (not being good at) making decisions. But on Thanksgiving Day, surrounded by my parents and aunts and uncles and cousins, instead of relaxing, I somehow ended up overwhelmed thinking that they had all figured life out and worried that I never would. Paranoia, I'm sure, but I still couldn't help thinking that they had somehow made all their decisions correctly (all the right decisions): they had picked the right college, the right major, been accepted to the best graduate school, and interviewed for the perfect job in the perfect profession. (Insight #3 needed here.)
So, ready to blame this all on my over-analysis of everything, I was fortunate to have a discussion with my parents, which turned out more meaningful than I could have hoped and taught me three things. (This is where the insight comes in.) Discussing the difficulty of making decisions and why it is so difficult (i.e. taking everyone I knew and all of their opinions into consideration); I learned it is impossible to satisfy everyone. As a wise friend once told me, you're the only person who has to live with the decisions that you make everyday. I am not suggesting that disregarding everyone's opinion is the best idea, but when it comes down to decisions that will affect you personally, it is imperative to make decisions that will make you happy. As the infamous Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets chronicle points out: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." Your decisions shape you, so make sure they represent you.
Second realization: Rarely is any decision ever final. Although clich‚ and possibly overused, Led Zeppelin's statement rings true, "There's always time to change the road you're on." Not taking a science class next semester means that I can take an English class and deepen my passion for writing, but it does not mean that I will never go to medical school. The decisions I make may represent who I am, but what I take next semester may or may not define what I do for the rest of my life. And finally, my parents assured me that when making a decision, there are no guarantees on what the effect of that decision will be- and despite my concerns, I do not think it's possible that somehow everyone else knows how to make the right decisions and I don't. Different decisions lead to different outcomes, but not necessarily right and wrong.
So I can't promise that there will be no stress when next fall's registration cards need to be filled out, but I think these insights can serve as positive reminders and hopefully make any decision making process less intimidating.
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