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Volume CXXXIII, Number 12 |
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Whoa, who's talking about marriage?
KARA OPPENHEIM
COLUMNIST
So over break I was talking to this guy and he mentioned a girl. And I asked if he was dating this girl. And he laughed a bit and was like, "Yeah, she's my future ex-girlfriend." And I laughed too, because I thought it was funny. Which it is. But when I re-told the story to someone else, she was horrified and thought it was sick and twisted. Which it sort of might be, too. Because this guy was basically saying, albeit quite wittily, that he was going out with someone whom he knew he was eventually going to break up with. And it made me wonder: DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO DATE SOMEONE IF YOU KNOW IT WON'T LAST?
Talbot and Jay dated for a long, long, long time. But they come from very different backgrounds and it occurred to Talbot that if she and Jay were still dating when they graduated, she might find herself one day having to get married to him. And as soon as she realized that she didn't want to marry Jay, she knew the relationship was ultimately doomed. And once that was out there, she just broke up with him right away, because why waste her time with someone she was never going to marry?
Today, swinging, single Talbot says, "At this point in my life, I'm not going to get involved with someone and put effort into a long-term relationship if I don't think there's a good chance that I'm going to marry this guy." Whoa.
However, in spite of my skepticism, Carrie concurred. "I always dated or hooked up with guys without any regard to what would or would not happen later on. But while I was going out with Lance, for the first time ever, I thought 'This is going to have to end sometime. I'm not going to marry him.' And I mean, it's absurd to think that at 21, but is it, really?" So this must be a psycho girl thing, right?
Yes, there are girls, like Ramona, who kiss a boy and then start picking out china patterns, but Bob was eager to (very secretly) admit that he has recently begun to question his own relationship, because he just doesn't think he would ever marry his girlfriend. And as soon as Tyler broke up with Traci and started going out with Crosby, it was obvious to everyone that Crosby was the sort of girl he would marry and Traci just wasn't.
"This is ridiculous!" Megan said. "Why would I not date someone because I'm not going to marry him? Who's talking about getting married?" Meg's right of course. But Bob and Tyler might not be so far off either.
Adolescence is about figuring out who you are, and you're never going to learn anything if you don't try new things. The only way to gain experience is to take risks so limiting the people you date would only hurt yourself, not to mention make things inordinately boring. As Belinda said, she almost felt freer as a single senior girl because she knew she could go out with whomever she wanted, since it would have to end soon anyway. And honestly, if a freshman were reconsidering his girlfriend because he wasn't sure if he was ever going to want to propose to her, I'd dump a beer on his head and tell him to get a life.
Yet it can't be denied that at a certain point in people's lives, they begin to think about things other than whether or not the person they just woke up next to is going to drive them home or if they have to do the walk of shame. And, furthermore, it must be granted that this realization shall transpire at a different point in everybody's life. Tyler, Bob, and Talbot have already been infected. But many others will continue to hook up with caprice well into their forties and then wind up giving birth to sextuplets because they've waited too long and had to take fertility drugs, so I'm sort of hoping there's a happy medium.
We are at Bowdoin for such a short amount of time that wasting it looking for a life partner is bound to be futile. Of course, wasting it breaking up with people would probably be painful too; again, I'm kind of in favor of a balance here.
There will come a time, I think, when you will begin to question your future and may eve+n have to concede that you're just wasting time playing the field and it's time to take things seriously. But why do it too early? We all go our separate ways after graduation anyway, so at least for now, take advantage of your time beneath the pines, sow your wild oats (or don't), but be sure to be young and have fun. Be prudent, not prude, and as the senior class t-shirts sagely quote Trooper (whoever that is), "We're here for a good time, not for a long time."
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