|
Volume CXXXIII, Number 17 |
 |
Six degrees of separation in Bowdoin's polar bear nation
KARA OPPENHEIM
COLUMNIST
Apparently there is a theory that Kevin Bacon has been in so many movies that he can be connected to every other actor or actress who has ever been in a Hollywood movie in less than six degrees. The game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" is based on the John Guare play and movie adaptation Six Degrees of Separation. It posits that we are all connected by six or fewer stages of circumstance or acquaintance.
The way the Kevin Bacon game works is like this: Adam Sandler was in Anger Management with Jack Nicholson who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. In fact, anyone who has ever been in a feature film can pretty much be connected. Britney Spears was in Crossroads with Dan Aykroyd who was in Blues Brothers with John Belushi who was in Animal House with Kevin Bacon. Etc, etc, etc.
But I digress. The point is, and this may come as a surprise to some people, that at a very small college like Bowdoin, where lots of people go home with a new person every weekend, there is a similar game that you can play. It's called SIX DEGREES OF BOWDOIN SEPARATION.
A casual game of Six Degrees of Bowdoin Separation over, say, an Egg McMoulton would go something like this: Eve went out with Chris who went out with Kate who hooked up with John who hooked up with Ramona. Now Eve and Ramona are connected, as are all of the other people who they have hooked up with and everyone who connects to those people. You may say to yourself at this point, "This is gross." It is, for more reasons than I think even Dr. Jeff could come up with.
For one, diseases spread like wildfire. Moreover, we all know the theory that when you get in bed with someone, it's like you're getting in bed with everyone they've ever been with, but goodness knows it's a little scarier when you can actually think of all of those people right off the top of your head. The psychological ramifications are endless. Do you really want to know everyone you're connected to?
But Bowdoin is such a small school and everybody knows everyone else's business to such minute detail that you can literally connect anyone who has ever kissed someone on this campus to virtually any other Polar Bear. This is fairly obvious when you're talking about someone who has hooked up with their roommate's ex-girlfriend.
But, this game can take you places you wouldn't imagine. I could connect the captain of the hockey team my freshman year to a current freshman girl and connect said hockey captain back again to himself by a different route. Wait... wait... yup. Done. I mean, in this game, brothers and sisters connect. Easily. I'd say we could connect someone to Nathaniel Hawthorne, but I think things got a lot easier when Bowdoin went co-ed. Good thing for President Mills. But hey, I bet we're all connected to Ian McKee, so go tell that to your friends at home.
For that matter, they're probably connected to him as well. If you can believe it, just like you can connect an actor to Kevin Bacon easily, Six Degrees of Bowdoin Separation can be effortlessly expanded to Six Degrees of the NESCAC. And from there you could go to Six Degrees of Ivy League, NESCAC, and Other Good Colleges and Universities, which is really just the combination of Six Degrees of Prep School and Six Degrees of Local High Schools. I mean we could take this global if we wanted to. And let me tell you, they all would work.
It gets easier when there are people who help you connect to a lot of other people. They're like hubs (there are actually a lot of other words used to describe these people colloquially, but isn't "hubs" so much nicer?) and have lots of spokes radiating from them so that even though Lisa has only hooked up with the two guys she's dated here, one of them is an unbelievable hub, so she doesn't have to feel left out when her friends play the game.
While this game can get pretty funny and makes for scintillating Big Top conversation, it can really make you stop and think. I am all for doing whatever you want at any given time, but I think we often forget the implications. Each random hookup begins to add up over four years beneath the Pines, and somewhere along the way, you realize that you've all of a sudden woven quite a tangled web for yourself (or become a hub).
Don't necessarily let this stop you from enjoying yourself-I would never be one to prevent someone from having a good time. But if you don't notice what's going on, it might catch up with you. And even if you don't care right now, you might later. There are going to be consequences to each and every move you make. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Be prudent, not prude.
And I'm giving out prizes to anyone who can connect him or herself to Kevin Bacon.
For information on sending a letter to the editor, please click here.
|
FastCounter by bCentral |